Posts Tagged The Top Ten Reasons Our Kids Leave Church
Marc ends his previous post on “finding better feelings in other communities” with these words:
When they leave home, they realize that they can be “spiritually fulfilled” and get the same subjective self-improvement principles (and warm-fuzzies) from the latest life-coach or from spending time with friends or volunteering at a shelter. And they can be truly authentic, and they jump at the chance because…
3. They got tired of pretending:
Then he explains what he means by the weariness of pretending:
In the “best life now”, “Every day a Friday” world of evangelicals, there’s little room for depression, or struggle, or doubt. Turn that frown upside down, or move along. Kids who are fed a stead[y] diet of sermons aimed at removing anything (or anyone) who doesn’t pragmatically serve “God’s great plan for your life” has forced them to smile and, as the old song encouraged them be “hap-hap-happy all the time”. Our kids are smart, often much smarter than we give them credit for. So they trumpet the message I hear a lot from these kids. “The church is full of hypocrites” [brackets mine].
The idea that the Christian life is somehow a pathway to successful and prosperous living and a life in which you will be finally and fully comfortable and happy could not be further from the truth. This is a lie. A person only needs to read the Gospels and consider the life of our Lord Jesus to find that the way of Christianity is the humble path of the cross-shaped life. Resurrection only follows death. The Christian life is one that will cost you everything. It is only in this life in which we spend our lives for God that we find that he has indeed given us all things. On the other hand, the world is always searching for and never finding. And so some so-called evangelicals in an attempt to woo the world toward Christ, have forsaken the true gospel for a luxurious, false gospel. Young people who have an ounce of discernment take a glance at the Scripture and immediately pick up on the contrast that they see in the life of the Lord Jesus and his apostles as compared to some of the evangelical churches of our day. At some point, they either search for something deeper within the Christian faith, concluding that there must be more to it than this, or they “stop pretending” as Marc concludes.
Again, there is a sense in which I agree with Marc here; however, I feel like he again is missing a deeper issue. I feel that his worry is misplaced, or at least that he doesn’t say enough about what we should do. The local evangelical church’s response to this has to be twofold I think: (1) Teach and understand the doctrine of salvation that begins with the new birth, and (2) teach your church about proper ecclesiology between the young and the old, especially in the context of being a covenant member of a local church. At the heart of what real evangelicalism is, we find the doctrine of the new birth or regeneration. The thought that I as a pastor have to somehow manufacture a congregation in which there is no hypocrisy so that none of our teens get upset and “stop pretending” to be Christians is far-fetched and beyond my human ability. The answer to hypocrisy in the church as well as the answer to what happens when I see hypocrisy in the church is the Holy Spirit’s work in salvation. If a teenager has truly experienced the new birth, then he or she WILL persevere in the faith. The new birth is from the Holy Spirit (John 3) and the New Testament presentation of salvation is that the Spirit’s aim is to complete it (Romans 8:26–30). In the teen that witnesses hypocrisy in the local church, the Holy Spirit is present teaching that teen about things like we find in Paul’s prayer in Philippians 1:9–11. Not only this, but also the Spirit humbles the born again teen to consider his or her own hypocrisy. To go further, there is a test here for the young person, especially if they sense that they observed hypocrisy in an older saint. I recall teachings in the Pastoral Epistles that should cause pause to the young person who is quick to judge an older saint. I am not saying that what the young person observes as hypocrisy is not hypocrisy, but rather I am rather suggesting caution and humility to be practiced. Certainly, the apostle Paul calls the local churches to judge those who are within their assembly (1 Corinthians 5–6); yet the spirit with which we proceed in such a case should be one of humility, not arrogance or some threat of separation because “I’m tired of pretending.” The body of Christ is a family of sinners redeemed by grace. We eat the Lord’s Supper at a table of grace. Let’s seek to redeem and restore with humility through proper discipline and grace. For the young person to threaten and then actually walk away because he or she is “tired of pretending” reveals more about their own faith and ecclesiology than perhaps it does about their local church.
Just imagine for a moment the “I stopped pretending” young person’s response to God should he ask him or her about his or her reasoning for leaving the local community . . . “they were hypocrites, and I was tired of pretending.” I don’t think that is going to hold up well. IMO, that response will burn like wood, hay, and the like. Our young people (and all of us mind you) need a developed understanding of church membership and commitment to a local body. I’m speaking from what I see written in the Scriptures, especially as I begin a study on 1 Corinthians. Imagine being a member there! Plenty of hypocrisy-accusations to go around. Yet, the idea that leaving the local community is a valid option for any real Christian is absurd. No, the apostle along with the Corinthians sought to grow in grace and in this thing called the Church. I’m also speaking from experience. It was not long ago that there was an “exodus” of people from my very own local church, many of them probably claiming some level of discontent and some making accusations of hypocrisy as they headed off to other local churches that will surely be void of such hypocrisy (cue laughter). What I am discovering is that those who left revealed more about their poor ecclesiology and understanding of local church membership than they did about some kind of impenetrable hypocrisy that they supposed was present and that God was too weak to do anything about. Let be said and done in the local church this way, “rejoice in hope, endure suffering, persist in prayer.” Let it be said to the young person who is “tired of pretending”: Stop pretending. Be a real Christian. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and glorify God in your local assembly. Keep going. Endure. Persevere. If you do, you’ll see God work, and you’ll witness hope spring up in your midst.
Thanks for sticking with me on these responses. I have re-posted my response to #5 Community on the home page, which was written back in April. I was on a fairly consistent pace in my responses until summer ministry activities hit. Now, I’d like to finish responding to the final four reasons that Marc5Solas offers over at http://marc5solas.com/2013/02/08/top-10-reasons-our-kids-leave-church/.
As mentioned in the post title, this reason for kids leaving the church implies that they will find better feelings as they experience the type of community that the world offers. Let me camp here for a moment. This is a false assumption. I feel like it concludes too vastly that all teens are emotionally wired the same way AND it assumes that emotions are only and totally negative. I was not a Christian throughout high school and into my first year of college. Even as an unbeliever, there were experiences about which I had uncomfortable feelings and fears. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that my way of life in those years was damnable, but even to a sinner like me, sometimes my emotions prevented me from certain experiences because I was frightened by the consequences that may follow participation.
The reason Marc5Solas gives as the problem in the church contributing to this discovery of better feelings is because, “Rather than an external, objective, historical faith, we’ve given our youth an internal, subjective faith.” I understand what he is saying here and partly concur. There is huge need in youth ministry for students to actually be taught the doctrines, the theologies, the history, and the total story of Christianity. This is something to which they belong as Christians, but it is BIGGER than them. We aren’t the first Christians to walk the earth; nor are American Christians the only Christians on the planet now. Discovering the external, objective, historical faith is huge in the discipleship of the young.
Yet, is Marc5Solas really implying that there is no subjective element to the Christian faith? If so, then such an idea only contributes to our kids looking for a place where feelings, emotions, passions, and affections are okay to possess and are navigated and shaped with hope. Is it not the great desire of any born again Christian to not only know God but to experience God the way in which the Bible indicates that we should? Do not knowledge of God and worship and sanctification touch every part of our human being?
The local church must be a place where a young person can discover that Christianity is about beliefs, a community, a past, and a future that is much LARGER than they are. The local church must also be a place where a young person can bring their emotions and affections – the extreme ones, the bad ones, the good ones, and the oppressed ones – and find direction and hope in their subjective experience of the presence of God in their lives. To exclude either the objective or the subjective realities of human-ness and Christianity is devastating to discipleship among the young.